Winter’s Tale *Spoiler*

By M

There are so many annoying things in this movie that one wouldn’t know where to start. I won’t do a thorough review because it would be endless. I will just point out the most appalling choices.

I think recycling titles is outrageous. The title of this movie (which is actually the title of a book) resonates with Shakespeare’s play “The Winter’s Tale” which is beyond anything remotely acceptable. Brits were lucky enough to get it with a different title “A New York Winter’s Tale”, which not only is more accurate, but also way less arrogant.

Anyways. I have nothing against the actors in this movie, they are all good as far as I can tell. I have come to adore Colin Farrell so I will definitely not go into criticising him, but all the others are honest as well.

It annoyed me that the crew felt they needed a black actor to play an angel just because they had chosen Will Smith to play Lucifer.

What annoyed me beyond saying was the internal incoherence of the movie. I am all about surrealist movies, David Lynch is my favourite director. But, a narrative that is inconsistent with its own rules is a bit discomforting.

Here is the story: humans can perform miracles, only their miracle is exclusively meant for one person, that they might or might not find (yes, that is the movie doing its share for conservative social reproduction). This is something that people more or less knew – at least some did – in the 1900s, while almost everyone has forgotten it by 2014. Oh, by the way, in this movie native Americans know everything about demons and angels, and have always known it by the simple fact of being native Americans no matter where they were raised or who they are or how they define themselves.

Anyways, so the story goes as follows: Colin Farrell, a thief, falls in love with Jessica Brown Findlay who is an aristocrat. Her father quickly accepts Farrell as part of the family to everyone’s amazement, which is the most interesting message of the movie: that is a vindication of the openness of the aristocracy if there ever was one. Anyways, let’s try to move forward. So they fall in love, and we (the audience) are to understand (for those who wouldn’t, Will Smith spells it out) that they are both miracle(s) to each other, said otherwise, their love will manage to maintain each other alive. Fine. But for how long?

That is the issue: Jessica Brown Findlay’s character is dying of tuberculosis. Colin Farrell’s character is persuaded that he can save her. He doesn’t. Why? Because an angel has made sure that his miracle is dismantled – although it isn’t quite clear whether the angel directly kills her or simply prevents his miracle from having the necessary effect. Yes, you read well, the angel does some evil playing, because he owes a favour to Russel Crowe who is the meanest of all demons. Also, Russell Crowe particularly hates Colin Farrell and goes into tremendous trouble to make his life miserable. The fact that the angel goes against his own team passes unnoticed and you would think, well that is interesting! The movie is trying to bring some complexity into everyday morality! No, it isn’t.

After the death of his beloved, Colin Farrell’s character is killed by Russel Crowe. Except he isn’t, and reappears, in 2014. He spends some days desperately drawing the hair and silouhette of his beloved – whom he has forgotten as the rest of his life – trying to find a meaning for it all. One of the angels – who formerly acted as one of his friends – pities him and decides to change his destiny by separating his miracle from Jessica Brown Findlay and linking it to a small child who suffers from cancer.

Now. WHY does Colin Farrell reappear in 2014? Why 2014? He keeps saying that he was always meant to save the little girl, which allows him to rationalize why. Yet we know that to be untrue since his link to the little girl had been only recently created by the (good) angel. Will Smith argues that he is still alive because of Jessica Brown Findaly’s miracle which was to keep him alive – even though he wasn’t sick, he was indeed threatened by Russell Crowe and his men, so that would have made sense, but that would also have made him immortal which is not the case in the movie.

Anyways, I really don’t think it’s worth seeing unless you want to enjoy a tale-like acting, which is really well done. I liked them all even though I found most of the movie outrageous.

Hitch

By M

Come on, there are many reasons to watch this movie. These are not self-evident, but hey, neither is the theory of relativity (unfortunate comparison, I know).

I mean, I think that we can acknowledge that watching anything with Will Smith is legitimate for those of us who grew up with the Prince of Bel Air. It’s called nostalgia. More seriously, there is Eva Mendes. We are a level beyond legit on Eva Mendez since Holy Motors (yes, I don’t even have to mention Ryan Gosling, how about that).

So I watched this. It is so dull that I had to lie to N when she asked me ‘what are you doing?’ There is NO interest whatsoever.It tries hard to be funny, but it rarely manages to do so, and when it does so, these are jokes you could have come up with easily. I mean super easily, like, you are unconscious and still able to come up with those jokes.

There isn’t even a ‘transformation’ as such of any of the heroes as the genre would demand: neither Will Smith nor Eva Mendes transform, they have just been waiting for the ‘right person’. When the right person comes, they don’t even hesitate. Then there is a misunderstanding: and that, my friends is the only plot recourse that allows the plot to be that, a plot. The story is totally predictable and even the plot switch feels like the director’s best friend told him: hey man, shouldn’t something ‘happen’ in a movie? Thank God he didn’t think he was doing some arty movie and instead of responding ‘no’, he introduced the aforementioned plot twist.

This movie is a joke. You get to see a tiny bit of NYC, so maybe, just in case something terrible happens and NYC is transformed into Pleasantville, let’s not destroy all the copies of this movie.

By the way, this guy directed the memorable Fool’s Gold. I am in shock at the news that I have watched two of his movies in one same year. This is real.

But do not watch it, unless things are really bad and then Lou Reed dies.